December 17, 2023

Went to a potluck today out in the mountains. To be honest, I find socializing to be so exhausting. It drives me insane that no one here ever seems to want to just do a half hour coffee chat, it has to be an 8 hour mega-marathon of nonstop talking and hiking and cooking and drinking and connecting that starts at 9AM. Like, Jesus, doesn’t anyone ever get tired?! So I was dreading it. And truthfully, it was just about as painful as I expected. But! A few really cool things happened.

Here’s a picture of the stream. The waterfall isn’t in this picture, but it’s very scenic. A few seconds later, a dog came and drank water from it.

River stream waterfall thingy. The scenery is very green.

So a mixed bag all around. I spent a lot of the day thinking hard about the future. I have been really eager to move back to the mainland with all its mainland-y comforts and mainland-y wages, but everyone keeps trying to change my mind. The party line from everyone here seems to be, “Why don’t you start a business here instead?” because there are so many tax incentives, especially for people my age. Everyone scoffs when I say I want to just work for a boring company, but is that really so wrong? The security and predictability of a corporate 9-5 sounds wonderful right now; I want mindless, I want path of least resistance, I want simple and normal and safe. Health insurance and vacation time. But maybe they’re right? Am I squandering my life’s oyster? Lol, I don’t know. I feel like I spend too much time trying to play it safe. But I also think I let other people dictate how I should live my life too much. It’s a lot to think about.

Anyways, when I got home, my BIC (Beloved Indoor Cat) was very adamant she be fed immediately. She isn’t used to me leaving her alone for most of the day, and you can’t exactly leave food out here unless you want roaches. So I fed her, and was very shocked to hear BSC (Beloved Stray Cat) meowing outside the door within minutes of getting home! I put out some food for him, but all the rest of el corillo came running and stole his food! He was clearly upset by this, but not willing to infight, so he kept trying to run into my house? I’m not sure why, I think he was assuming I’d feed him in here? He finally broke in when I opened the door to shoo the other cats away. But I really don’t want him to come inside until everyone I live with lets me keep him, which will then be followed by me taking him to the vet to make sure he’s safe to be around my indoor cat. My indoor cat is 17 years old and has 2 teeth, I really don’t want her to be in close proximity to an unneutered fighter stray with open wounds. Anyways, when BSC ran into my house, BIC was eating her food and he ran pretty far inside, which alarmed me. So I ran after him, and, well…accidentally kicked him. I am crestfallen about this even hours later.

I don’t think he’s too upset. I picked him up and brought him back outside and shooed away the rest of el corillo so he could eat some more, and he ate a few bites, but then the rest of his squad pushed him out again. I finally got fed up and took the food away altogether. I really cannot get in the habit of feeding 6 stray cats. I had only intended to wait for them to leave so I could feed BSC once they left, but…then BSC left. And the rest of el corillo stayed. Still no sight of BSC. I feel so sad. I hope he isn’t mad I accidentally kicked him. At least he let me pet him before he left? I think that’s a positive sign. But I also do think it’s odd that he isn’t with the rest of the cats. They’ve been perched outside, I believe waiting for any hint of a feeding. Maybe BSC is mad at them for always stealing his food? I hope he’s mad at them and not me, but also I think it’s good for him to have friends. Smh.

Maybe I really should stay home more. I feel so off now. I don’t think I’m built for social outings.

I leave you with a photo of BSC from yesterday, before things went wrong (dun dun dun).

An orange and white cat.
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